Dating can be quite the roller coaster ride of emotional highs and lows. I dated avidly and casually for years. Like most, I experienced some great connections that turned into friendships as well as painful disappointments. Many times, I wondered secretly why it seemed so difficult to find a lasting intimate connection. I told myself two lies. First, that I was a self-sufficient woman who had no need for a long-term relationship. Second, that there were a shortage of good men in the world.
Behind the facade of independence, I longed for a partner that would accept me and all my quirks without judgement. I wanted someone who would be supportive of my growth and to whom I could freely offer my love without the fear of being hurt. It took me a long time to realize that the problem in finding someone was internal, not external. Something was missing that had nothing to do with no good men being available. Yes, good partners may be hard to find, but the reason my soul mate eluded me was that I was living with a defended heart.
After suffering through losses, I had internally created walls in order to protect myself. I was unable to be vulnerable. I think that when we live behind so much armor, it comes across energetically to everyone that we interact with. This create barriers in building lasting relationship, as intimacy and vulnerability go hand-in-hand.
I started to work on opening my heart through my yoga and meditation practice. I also stopped dating for a full year during my teacher-training in order to focus completely on internal transformation. After that year, something profoundly shifted inside me. I woke up one morning and felt overwhelmed with the desire to be vulnerable and give of myself. When the priority shifted into a strong inclination to offer my heart, I knew I was ready for a relationship. It didn’t take long after that for Mr. Right to appear and we happily announced our engagement last week.
I’m very excited to be co-teaching a workshop with therapist Tory Eletto this Sunday, July 12 at 2pm that explores this subject. It is called Finding the Love You Want - How to Identify and Release Your Hidden Barriers and Become Magnetic To Your Soulmate. I will be approaching the topic from a yogic perspective and offering a heart opening physical practice and meditation. Tory will then lead a discussion to help students identify triggers, fears, and inner-obstacles towards finding the loves of their lives.