I spoke to my mom on the phone this morning. “You’re not very quiet,” she observed.
She’s right. I’m not. I’m pretty sure I don’t know how to be.
I find that there’s immense opportunity when we are transparent and have the courage to share. The opportunity exists to leverage every difficult situation for the healing of ourselves and others. I also feel the power of being able to inspire people to see things differently, consider a broader perspective and perhaps even to motivate them into actions, big and small.
I know this raw, direct honesty often brings humans way out of their comfort zone, especially when we are speaking about power structures and supremacy. People absolutely freak when those shadows are brought into a spotlight.
Some weeks ago, someone I considered a friend did her best to publicly silence me on a group thread we were both on when I expressed my desire to openly process the experiences of harmful behaviors I’d witnessed within the group. It was interesting to witness her efforts to shut me up. I watched as a couple of voices surfaced in support of me, and I tracked the silence from others.
The situation was painful, but I found that I remained wholly undeterred. If anything, it strengthened my resolve to take my process to perhaps a much wider audience.
I consider myself a leader within many communities, and I’m quite present and aware of the power of my voice. I use it to teach and support as well as hold others accountable for their actions. That’s not going to change.
Ask my mom, if you don’t believe me
I’m sitting with the potential impact that I can create. I’m organizing my thoughts, and looking forward to leveraging my 18 month experiment out west to create change in this world. I’ve got stories for years, people. Some of it will burn the hair inside your ears.
Stay tuned, I’m writing. Lots of good chapters for the memoir here.
I finally feel like I turned a corner this evening after a challenging few days. Yay I am so grateful. I have been in batton-down the hatches mode and really focusing religiously on rest, eating really carefully and pacing myself energetically.
Since I was diagnosed with Lyme in 2018, I had to teach myself a lot of different strategies to stay out of relapse and a chronic pain and inflammation situation. Actually, I was just starting to feel better from a symptomatic phase of chronic Lyme earlier in March when I contracted covid.
This week put self care skills to the test. Some things that supported:
reaching out to a trusted healer and going on a protocol of supplements to help my immune system.
- not working… I canceled my entire calendar for a couple of days and worked just a couple hours on the next few days that I felt I could (feels lucky to be able to do this).
- I became totally committed to breathwork daily. Just for seven minutes or so.
Today, when I felt physically well enough, I had a somatic based healing session where I was able to fully express some built up grief, anger and fear. This felt important to do because I now understand how holding those emotions in my body can exacerbate a situation like this (Read: The Body Keeps The Score for the relationship of trauma to chronic auto immune disease)
- I dropped in with a whole bunch of friends who have my back in times like this. I also kept my interactions with humans high any way I could. (Thank you friends who commented and messaged) Isolation is not supportive of the immune system
I spoke my mind about something that felt stuck in my throat, and released it
- The hardest: I got really clear with the universe. I let go of expectations of when I would feel better and dropped fear that my Lyme will launch me into long-hauling.
my mantra: I trust my body
Thank you to all who supported me especially my hubs who’s getting quite masterful in the kitchen. I think I’m on the mend.
#chronicillness #longhauler #lymesurvivor