I had to set a firm boundary for a yoga teacher recently.
At the end of December I hurt my neck in a fall so when I go to yoga I’ve been arriving early to set up wayyy in the back corner. I like to use a lot of blankets and blocks including the wall for support. I modify postures quite a bit so I can do what serves my body. Most teachers welcome this as an authentic expression of yoga philosophy.
This studio I go to has one perfect little space behind the back row, near where they keep the props. I was happily practicing in my little cocoon, until inexplicably the teacher started calling attention to me. At one point, he had the entire class turn 180 degrees around to look at me. Then, I started to count the amount of times he said “Dee” and it felt super strange when I realized by the time the class was over we’d hit 20+ times.
I stayed behind afterwards to chat with him. I let him know that it made me uncomfortable in my body. The level of attention was unwelcome and not in service to my healing.
I also let him know that I love his class, however my request was that next time, he not call my name out loud again.
I was clear and direct. I didn’t try to make him wrong, I simply focused on what I was feeling and what I needed him to change in his behavior in order for me to continue showing up to his class.
I did not require an apology, though he graciously offered one along with his word that it wouldn’t happen again. I walked away from the conversation feeling clear and complete and willing to try his class again.
We’ve been conditioned that these types of conversations are confrontational, but it doesn’t have to be. Setting boundaries is hard work, but we have everything to gain by being able to communicate our expectations to others effectively.
ONLINE OPTION ADDED!
link is bio on IG, comments on FB.
#healthyboundaries #boundaries #transformyourlife #yoga #yogastudios
Wow Wow Wow! I’m at a loss for words about my experience yesterday. After my juicy and vulnerable post my DM’s started filling up within minutes.
I’m so moved, not only by your support of my path, which was offered in abundance… but also the stories that were shared about your paths and the ways in which YOU have felt different and marginalized when it comes to s e x u a l i t y and relationships!
Many of you thanked me for what I shared because it made you feel safer to share your authenticity with me. Yes, I’m crying.
I shared my feelings of wonderment with a dear and wise sister. She said to me “Everyone is waiting for someone else to go first.”
That’s feels SO true and trust that I don’t mind blazing this trail.
I spent a few hours sending links to those of you who liked the post or messaged.
If I missed you somehow and you want to follow me there, please send a private message or comment below.
Lastly, in response to a couple of your questions on what kind of content to expect — my intention there is the same as my intention here. To inspire you to live your most authentic and fulfilled life possible. Love you!
In early November, I wrote this post on social media about my relationship and our decision to live separately for a period of time as a conscious choice. You’ll see from the public comments that many felt inspired by my expression of relationship freedom.
In private messages, I curiously received some well-intentioned notes of condolences from people who skimmed the post and missed its essence.
Then, out of the shadows, came an accusation and admonishment that I was OVERSHARING.
I’ve been pondering that one ever since.
The idea of “not airing our dirty laundry” might be an empowering decision IF we were coming from a clear and sovereign place of uninfluenced choice.
And of course, there are certain times and spaces where sharing the intimate details of one’s life can be socially inappropriate. I can appreciate why you may want to keep your private life out of the conversation at the parent-teacher conference. Sure!
What I see though, is that a lot of the time, there’s discomfort and shame around “real talk,” especially if it is about our emotions. Have you ever lied and said you are fine, when someone asks how you are?
We are unconsciously adhering to what I feel is a dangerous and disempowering societal construct.
Why dangerous? Simply put, across history, people with more access to privilege have overtly and covertly silenced those with less privilege. Think about the old-school rule that it is impolite to divulge how much money we make at our jobs. And now, think about how that provides the conditions for men to continue to make more money than women for the same work. This is how problems like abuse, racism, inequality, and many other ills of society are able to thrive.
Why disempowering? I think often about a community I lived in for 20 years that was affluent, highly educated and achievement-focused. Competition and keeping up with the Jones’ was the norm. On a regular basis, I witnessed people experiencing the pain of normal life issues become compounded by the deep shame that they were having any challenge at all.
Take something as common as it is taboo, like divorce. The experience of ending a marriage is stressful enough, but in these environments there seems to be a ubiquitous feeling of loneliness and isolation that is added to the original issue because people are living in fear of how others perceive them.
The sad irony is if they were brave enough to share, they’d likely experience a sense of comfort in hearing that in fact, the Jones’ are in couple’s therapy too. All parties would be able to show up powerfully and supportively, if there wasn’t this judgmental stigma about oversharing.
We could all do our dirty laundry together!
Learning how to live a radically authentic life is courageous and necessary work, my friends. It is a key component to our well-being and ability to feel emotional resonance and connection with others as well as resource support for ourselves.
This type of self-development is the nucleus of my work these days. Oversharing is a focal point within my one on one coaching, the online groups I lead, as well as workshops and retreats that I facilitate.
Yes it’s true, as of October 15 we have not been living together.
This is the second separation of our marriage. The first time was in response to a relationship crisis. This time around, it’s a conscious choice that fully supports the deepening of our intimacy.
It’s been SO good for us, in this season, to follow our individual sleeping and eating rhythms because we are both in separate creative/business-building modes.
Also, after a very stressful September we weren’t communicating as well as we normally do. Gears were grinding and we started getting on each other’s nerves in a way that would probably look pretty mild to an outsider, but wasn’t OK for us.
So, rather than wait for that to devolve into an actual breakdown, we decided to mindfully hit pause and create some boundaries that serve.
So, until mid December we will live walking distance from each other and we are now dating!
So fun and exciting. Rimon is as amazing and sexy a boyfriend as he is a husband.
There’s not enough content out there about keeping long term relationships alive and vibrant so I’m leaving this here and hope it inspires.
#conscious relating #relationshipdesign